Sunday night was a biggie sports event:  the AFL Championship game between the Patriots and the Chiefs.

Despite their amazing historical winning track record, the Pats were underdogs, having lost five games (all away) during the regular season and not looking as sharp as prior years.  But in their inimitable fashion, they got their act together late in the season, playing well on both sides of the ball.  They handily beat the Los Angeles Chargers in the Pats’ first playoff game the week before.

The Pats looked awesome in the first half of the AFC Championship – the score at halftime was 14-0  but it should have been 21-0.  Brady threw an uncharacteristic interception five yards away from a touchdown. The Pats looked dominant going into half time.

The second half was a different story as the incredible rookie QB Patrick Mahomes (he’s the real deal) repeatedly marched his Chiefs down the field, scoring touchdowns and looking awesome. Next thing you knew, KC had pulled ahead 21-17 with only 7:45 left in the game.

I texted you to check in, knowing you were the only one of my grandchildren likely watching the entire game (I found out later this was a correct assumption).  You’ve always been a big Pats fan, going back to the days of our 3M adventures at Gillette Stadium.

The following is a word for word stream of our ongoing text conversation during the fourth quarter of what was arguably one of the greatest AFC Championship games of all time, a roller coaster ride of up and down emotion.

Me: you watching the game?

You:  yes, it is making me soooooooo stressed. They are saying the touchdown was overturned. Lucky. (Pats punted, Edelman got in the way and it looked like he touched it so KC picked up the loose ball and ran into the end zone, a touchdown for the Chiefs.  As they ran the play over and over again to see if he touched the ball, it was revealed he never did – amazing when you see the slow motion how close it came.  Edelman had said when it happened… “I never touched it”)

Me: I don’t think Edelman touched it!

You: he didn’t!

Me: let’s see what they say.

You : the refs said he didn’t – I hope it stays that way

Me:  me too!!! Unbelievable.

You:  Thank god.  that scared me so bad.

Me:  Amazing it didn’t touch him!!!!

You: amazing.  If they don’t get a touchdown here then it might be over for us.

Me:  OMG  Edelman! (later on, with the Pats on offense, Brady throws the ball to Edelman.  He didn’t catch the ball and it looked like KC intercepted. regaining possession.  But the play had to be reviewed to make sure.)

You:  we can’t get worse than this

Me:  defense needs a big play

You: the receivers are not doing so well at this point.  Yes, hopefully they can stop them.

Me: KC didn’t intercept it!! (looked like a pick but KC dropped it)

You: I thought they did.  Well game’s over for us.

Me:  Don’t give up, plenty of time for Brady!!!

You:  I know but they aren’t playing very well

Me:  It’s Brady time

You:  Hopefully.  These refs are one way refs.  They obviously like Kansas way better than us

Me: the officiating has been bad!!

You:  I know, one way calls – they’re favoring the Chiefs.

Me: Brady time. GOAT (Pats have the ball and Brady marches them down the field)

Me:  Woooooohoooooo!  GOAT (Pats pull ahead24-21with 3:32 left)

You:  NO WAY OMGGGGGG YAYAYYAYAYAY  I can’t get too excited yet. Omg what a play

Me:  you’re right.  Now we gotta stop em

You:  defense better be terrific

Me: what a game!!

You:  I know I don’t like it.  the refs are so unfair.  We lost. Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl. (Chiefs bounce back and score, pulling ahead 28-24 with 2:03 left on the clock.

Me: 2 minutes left for Brady. GOAT. Classic ending.  If anyone can do it it’s Brady.

You:  I don’t know by now

Me: fingers crossed!!

You: I have been crossing them this whole game

Me: Good job!!

You: I know!  We were just sooooooo lucky

Me: OMG!!! Brady & Gronk!! Legends!! (pass from Brady completed to Gronk within the Red Zone.  Pats score when Rex Burkhead scampers into the end zone.  Point after is good.  Pats lead 31-29 with 39 seconds left)

You:  We need so much luck right now

Me: We have the GOAT

You: YAYAYAYAYAYA

Me: GOAT!!!!!!  You are seeing history Emma!! 39 seconds to the super bowl

You:  I KNOW  Don’t you dare say that!!!!!

Me:  One of the greatest AFC games of all time

You:  we haven’t won yet

Me: You’re right (emojis) but regardless of who wins, it’s still 39 seconds for somebody, ha!!

Me: 32

You: yes you’re right  Run the clock

Me: OMG (Mahomes marches Chiefs down the field within reach of a field goal)

You:  This is the most stressed I’ve ever been.  No.

Me: Flag!!

You: I hate this sooooooo much

Me: Darn!!!

You: Tied maybe?

Me: Maybe!!

You: I hope not. 16 seconds of stress

Me: 11

You: Yes. I hope no overtime.

Me: OMG (Chiefs kick field goal tying the game 31-31 with 8 seconds left)

You: Well we just lost probably. They’re gonna score before us

Me:  We have the GOAT! The winningest QB of all time

You:  I know but at this point

Me: I believe.  We will each have possession in overtime if the first team with the ball doesn’t get six points

You: Ya i don’t know

Me: We won the toss. If we score 6 points we win.  If we get a field goal, KC gets a chance.

You: I know let’s hope for the best. (Brady marches the Pats down the field with the first possession in overtime. 13 plays, 75 yards in 4 minutes and 52 seconds. . Burkhead runs two yards into the end zone and the Pats WIN THE GAME 37-31

NO FRICKIN WAY. FRICKIN SUPERBOWL. U CAMT STOP THE GOAT

Me:  I told you!!!!

You: I know!!!!!  Thanks god we were all having a mini heart attack at my house (smiley emoji)

Me: Never give up with Brady. HISTORY.

You: Yayayayayaya

(a bit of time passes)

Me:  How are you doing Emma?  Was everyone watching the game? Grammy & I were pretty nervous

You: Ya everyone but Ben and jack bc Ben is lame and jack was asleep

fourth Quarter game summary		NE	KC
	TD 14:51 Damien Williams 1 Yd pass from Patrick Mahomes (Harrison Butker Kick) 9 plays, 75 yards, 4:11	17	14
	TD 7:45 Damien Williams 23 Yd pass from Patrick Mahomes (Harrison Butker Kick) 2 plays, 23 yards, 0:10	17	21
	TD 3:32 Sony Michel 10 Yd Run (Stephen Gostkowski Kick) 10 plays, 75 yards, 4:13	24	21
	TD 2:03 Damien Williams 2 Yd Run (Harrison Butker Kick) 5 plays, 68 yards, 1:29	24	28
	TD 0:39 Rex Burkhead 4 Yd Run (Stephen Gostkowski Kick) 6 plays, 65 yards, 1:24	31	28
	FG 0:08 Harrison Butker 39 Yd Field Goal 4 plays, 48 yards, 0:31	31	31
Overtime		NE	KC
	TD 10:08 Rex Burkhead 2 Yd Run 13 plays, 75 yards, 4:52	37	31

We’ll always remember Christmas week 2018.

100-year old “Great Gram” was admitted to the hospital on Sunday, Dec. 23 with congestive heart failure.  Her condition kept getting worse as she needed more and more oxygen to breath.  Her four daughters (Grammy, Marcia, Brenda and Nancy) and two son-in-laws (Conrad and me) spent our days at the hospital, supporting each other and Great Gram.  At one point she told your Grammy, “I made a mess of everything,” meaning ruining our Christmas holidays.  Grammy reassured her and quickly shifted the conversation. It was no time for regrets.

On Christmas Day, Grammy and I spent the morning with her; she was steadily losing ground. That afternoon we went to the Clickman’s for an enjoyable afternoon together and a delicious meal of grilled steaks. The Beaupre’s were in Maine on Dec. 25, so our usual big group get together – all 13 of us – didn’t happen that day.  We weren’t exactly sure when it would.

I helped Jack build some tunnels for his new train track.  After dinner, we all played a fun Meme game, laughing our heads off as we tried to match the funniest expression with each picture. Some of those expressions were dirty!!

On December 26, Grammy and I were at the hospital from 9 am to 5pm, as were others.  This turned out to be her last full day on this earth.  That afternoon, when her hospital room was filled with visitors, she made an incredible rally.  She had been very “out of it,” not awake and not aware. Suddenly she woke up and spoke – she needed to go to the bathroom. The nurse helped her and in the process, Great Gram became more alert. Then she said amazing things:

(to Grammy at that moment) “My hair must be a mess and I don’t have my makeup with me.”  (as she gazed around the room at all her visitors).

Then, suddenly, on her own, she sat up in her hospital bed, looked about at her family (who were dumbfounded at that moment) and said “All this attention,” shaking her head. She never liked attention!

Marcia, her oldest daughter, tenderly said “Mom, do you know who some of these people are?”  “Of course I do!!” she instantly shot back, a bit perturbed she had been asked such an obvious question.  It was classic Great Gram.

A bit later, as she quietly looked around the room in amazement she said, “I’m very lucky.”

Then, “Everyone’s taller and older.”

Later, “I’m okay.”

That final rally was a gift, a special goodbye, a moment we’ll cherish.  Soon after, Great Gram closed her eyes, laid back down in her bed and re-entered the solitary place she needed to be to complete her final journey.

That night all 13 of us got together at our house. Grammy had a feeling this would be our best shot to celebrate Christmas. She was right.  We watched you open your presents; we laughed and had lots of fun, then ate pizza together.  There’s nothing better than being together, even when situations change and routines become different.

Thursday, December 27 was Great Gram’s final day. I held her hand a long while and each of us in the room said our goodbyes our own special way.  She had never woken up again after her amazing rally the afternoon before.

Late Thursday morning, at the exact moment new people were in her room to transfer her to Hyder House, another facility in Dover, she had made a decision.  As she was taking her last breaths I’m pretty darn sure she was saying to herself, “Now just hold on one minute.  Put the brakes on.  I’m still in charge here! This is my life and I am not going on that stretcher and I’m not going in an ambulance – I never liked ambulances!  I’m not putting anyone through any more fuss. I’m ending it right here, right now. I miss my husband; it’s been 26 years since I saw him.  I want to die in this hospital, just like he did.  It’s my time and I’m okay with that.”

And that’s exactly what she did.  She decided to leave, then and there, on her own terms. Her last minute timing was a classic move for Etta Gwendolyn Buzzell St. Laurent.  She was the matriarch of the family; she had always led the way; and now she was calling the last shot.

100 years. 2 months. 27 days on this earth. Not too shabby.

Great Gram lived a simple life, defined by one thing: family.  Nothing else ever mattered as much as that.  Her daughters and husband meant the world to her, as did her sisters and brothers who she took care of, protected and guided (as the first born of her siblings). As time went by, this “nucleus” kept expanding with son-in-laws, grandchildren (12) and great grandchildren.

Nothing made her happier than remembering a funny story about your parents (Tim and Nicole) from years ago or hearing a story from Grammy about something you (Ben, Emma, Camden, Ainsley, Molly, Jack and Madigan) had said or done recently.  Those stories always brought a smile to her face and a hearty laugh.  She lived for those moments!

She looked forward to your visits, got a kick out of the things you said and enjoyed hearing what you were doing as you grew older.  Did you know she kept pictures you (and other great grandhildren) had drawn for her in a special book in her room at Harmony?  The special memories you created for her were her only remaining treasures, along with a few pieces of jewelry.  She loved you so much.

Later that night after everyone had left our house (many people came over to be together after she died, get a bite to eat and support each other) Grammy and I remembered a special visit we had with her at Harmony House on November 21, before Thanksgiving, She was sitting in her chair doing okay; it was just the three of us.  We had been talking about what Thanksgiving was like when she was little.  She said “We never had much. The Baptist Church down the street would look out for us and bring us food.” 

Later she said, “I never was one for show.  Be me. Take me as I am.”   I love that quote because it sums up her life’s philosophy, her style, values and entire life.

We’ll miss you Ma/Mom/Great Gram, but please, no more tears, just smiles. That’s what she would tell us if she was with us right now.  She lived a wonderful life, taught us many things, helped many along the way and is in a very good place.

The photo below is special.  I took it on June 22, 2004 at Tim & Tarah’s wedding in Portland, Maine.  It was always my favorite of her; so beautiful, so much joy, such a classy lady.  Much love, thank you and God bless.

What an awesome Thanksgiving!

Grammy and I were invited to your house… exciting because it’s the first time we haven’t hosted Turkey Day since Ben was born – 15 years ago!  Very cool being with you at your house, eating your food, hanging out in your hood.  Your Mom wasn’t sure if we’d be okay, but we had a blast. No problem-O.  Thanks for making this a special Thanksgiving we’ll always remember.

How about Apple and Ruby posing with holiday scarves!!!  Hilarious.  Everyone is so well behaved in this photo…cracks me up!

You’ve transformed girl!

Mentally, emotionally, physically, Emma Ann Clickman – aka YOU – became a new person over the last 12 months.  Well, maybe not an entirely new person, but hey, there were many noticeable changes, evolutions and transformations girl!

One is how you’ve grown.  You’re a human skyscraper!  At 5 ft. 5 inches, you’re now taller than your Mom.  How did this happen?  You wear size 8-1/2 shoes – often your Mom’s shoes or boots.  Every time I see you I’m blown away by the change before my eyes.

You’re in seventh grade, a mere year away from eighth grade which is a mere year away from high school.

And yeah, I’m not supposed to mention the puberty thing – after all I’m your grandfather – but who cares!  You’re going through it, literally changing from a girl to a woman.  I went through it too, but I skipped the girl to woman thing, opting for boy to man.  Whatever works!

It’s a funky, weird, confusingly yet often cool time.  Some days are the best, other days you don’t want to get out of bed.  Ups and downs.  You’re happy, you’re sad.  You’re interested, you’re bored. (btw when I say “you’re” I don’t mean you specifically, but every one of us who goes through the wild puberty ride!).

The epic thing is that Emma Ann Clickman is moving forward all the time, becoming someone unique – the adult version of YOU – and there’s no stopping the process.  Moving forward is always better than living in the past or being stuck, so go with it.  Excelsior!

Through all the change, you remain and become even more so, an awesome person.  So loving, compassionate and kind.  Funny.  Interested in the world.  Engaged, living life, not watching it go by.

Nothing makes me feel better than being around you, getting a hug and seeing you smile your special smile which can burst open at a moment’s notice from tentative to a brilliant sunburst.

My favorite parts of the last year (well every year for that matter) is doing stuff together.  We had epic adventures this year – leading up to your 13th birthday –  including being together at Disney World; climbing up giant boulders and jumping into the lake below… kayaking… canoeing (we almost tipped it!!), paddle-boarding, Dave & Bustering and Mount Washington climbing.

It’s incredible being with you, seeing you conquer fears, try new things and get to new places.  Always remember: believe in yourself and who you are. Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s a foolish, defeating game because NO ONE is like you.  Having only one Emma Ann Clickman in the entire universe is so epic.  Trust your instincts, listen to the little voice inside and proudly be Emma Clickman no matter what.

You’re awesome, kind, compassionate, funny, loving, smart, beautiful, adventurous, curious and wicked cool. You’re an amazing young woman.

Thanks for loving me, being with me, hugging me, hanging with me.  It’s the highlight of my life.

Happy 13th Emma, love you lots!

Thursday, August 9 arrived with a red sun with clear skies –  a beautiful summer day, perfect for our outing to nearby Mendum’s Pond in Lee, NH., only minutes from Durham.

The word “pond” is a misnomer – Mendum’s is a good sized lake, one of the clearest, cleanest in the state.  No wonder why it’s the summer outing location for UNH.   We hiked the dirt road in, grabbed a picnic table, dropped off our gear and jumped into the water. The temp was Goldilocks perfect – not too cold or too warm, just right.  We swam around the edge of the lake, climbed on some rocks and went by a couple docks.

We noticed a large boulder far away in the water.  “It would be cool to check that out,” Camden said. “Yeah!,” Emma said.  Our bare feet walked on soft pine needles (and some poison ivy – I later discovered) to the rental building. Our choices: canoes; individual kayaks, tandem kayaks and paddle boards.

First up: the paddle board.  We saw them all the time at Moody Beach, they looked easy. Wrong!  They require a perfectly balanced stand in the middle of the board.  All three of us struggled.

Next up – the canoe. I hadn’t been in one since my Boy Scout days at Camp Carpenter in Manchester, NH when I was 12 years old.  I remembered them being ‘tippy’ and was a nervous wreck. We all had life jackets on, but we were conscious of sudden movements.  I paddled in the stern; Camden in the bow and Emma you kept your body completely still in the middle.  We were all a little nervous; it wasn’t relaxing. Somehow we made it back to shore high and dry.

It was past noon and we had worked up a big appetite so we took a break and chowed down subs, chips and drinks.  Everything tasted fantabuloso, eating outside in the great outdoors.  In a flash you lunged into dessert – Camden making a row of double stuffed Oreos disappearr in a flash.  An entire package of Milanos disappeared inside Emma’s slender belly.  I watched in amazement.  It wasn’t that long ago (to me at least) you were kids who barely cared about food.  Now, with 13 year old birthdays coming fast, your metabolisms are at full speed.

We walked off our lunches, hiking across a bridge onto an island, covering every part and trail.  Very cool.  Emma you closed your eyes standing on a rock with Camden – funny, look at the photo – you look relaxed!

Our third mode of transportation worked best – individual kayaks.  They were easy to paddle with little danger of flipping.  As our confidence grew, we looked beyond the shore to distant locations along Mendum’s Pond.  “Let’s paddle out to that giant boulder” Camden asked.  Emma said, “Let’s do it!” Our energy was back and we were ready to burn calories.

It took awhile to get out there.  When we arrived, we discovered several big, granite boulders in the water, far enough off shore to potentially jump off.  I was nervous – you’re never sure what’s under the water and I didn’t want any injuries to my beloved grandkids.  The water looked deep and dark but I needed to make sure.  I held my breath and went straight down to see if I could touch my feet – it was way over my head. The sun was hot and the dew point was in the 70’s, a very humid day.  You were itching to get into the water.

We paddled over to the big boulder we had seen from shore. “Hey, there’s a rope on it,” Emma said.   A few boys were climbing up, holding onto the rope, and jumping into the water.

When we got close to it, we saw its width and height. You had to climb up a steep rock to get up there, and once you did, it was a 15-20 foot drop to the water below. I was feeling good about the safety, having watched the boys jump in repeatedly.  But none of us had ever jumped from this height into the water.

Camden scampered up like a cat and was in the water before I could even get up there.  Emma you took more time getting up there, being sure of your footing. It was tricky and dangerous.  One slip and we could easily scrape our skin, crash back down, break bones and worse.  I asked Emma to wait for me before jumping off.

I struggled climbing up there – it was steep and there was no easy way.  Bare feet made it dangerous and hard.  I finally made it – it was higher than expected.  I jumped in before Emma so I could be double-sure it was safe.  The jumping off didn’t bother me, it was fun.  From the water, I shouted a few pointers to Emma-  you were standing by the edge figuring out your strategy.  For a moment I wasn’t sure if you were going to make the leap. Then, off you went into the air!  Success!! I was so proud of both of you for trying something new and scary, conquering your fear.  There’s something fulfilling about trying something new that’s exhilarating.

We were hooked and did it several more times. Emma was a pro after the second climb and Camden continued to scamper up. I did it three times, struggling with the climb, but loving the drop. You didn’t want to leave – “just one more time Papa,” but it was time to start heading back.

Close to shore, the water got real shallow; people were walking around in what you’d guess would be deep water. We got out of our kayaks and walked all the way to the nearby island (NAME). We stumbled over rocks below the surface, there were many.  I picked up one of them and we looked at it.  “Hey, it looks like a number one!”  It was heavy but we decided to take it back to shore and bring it home.  I swam the crawl stroke holding it to shore – no easy feat.

By the time we packed up our stuff, It was 5pm and time to walk back to the Explorer.  The number one rock was an added burden, but a fitting end to what we all agreed was a number one kind of day.

the crazy cousins had a blast staying cool in the pool… there’s no better place to be on a warm August day.  Thanks for listening to your Papa and taking a photo time out!