We’ll always remember Christmas week 2018.

100-year old “Great Gram” was admitted to the hospital on Sunday, Dec. 23 with congestive heart failure.  Her condition kept getting worse as she needed more and more oxygen to breath.  Her four daughters (Grammy, Marcia, Brenda and Nancy) and two son-in-laws (Conrad and me) spent our days at the hospital, supporting each other and Great Gram.  At one point she told your Grammy, “I made a mess of everything,” meaning ruining our Christmas holidays.  Grammy reassured her and quickly shifted the conversation. It was no time for regrets.

On Christmas Day, Grammy and I spent the morning with her; she was steadily losing ground. That afternoon we went to the Clickman’s for an enjoyable afternoon together and a delicious meal of grilled steaks. The Beaupre’s were in Maine on Dec. 25, so our usual big group get together – all 13 of us – didn’t happen that day.  We weren’t exactly sure when it would.

I helped Jack build some tunnels for his new train track.  After dinner, we all played a fun Meme game, laughing our heads off as we tried to match the funniest expression with each picture. Some of those expressions were dirty!!

On December 26, Grammy and I were at the hospital from 9 am to 5pm, as were others.  This turned out to be her last full day on this earth.  That afternoon, when her hospital room was filled with visitors, she made an incredible rally.  She had been very “out of it,” not awake and not aware. Suddenly she woke up and spoke – she needed to go to the bathroom. The nurse helped her and in the process, Great Gram became more alert. Then she said amazing things:

(to Grammy at that moment) “My hair must be a mess and I don’t have my makeup with me.”  (as she gazed around the room at all her visitors).

Then, suddenly, on her own, she sat up in her hospital bed, looked about at her family (who were dumbfounded at that moment) and said “All this attention,” shaking her head. She never liked attention!

Marcia, her oldest daughter, tenderly said “Mom, do you know who some of these people are?”  “Of course I do!!” she instantly shot back, a bit perturbed she had been asked such an obvious question.  It was classic Great Gram.

A bit later, as she quietly looked around the room in amazement she said, “I’m very lucky.”

Then, “Everyone’s taller and older.”

Later, “I’m okay.”

That final rally was a gift, a special goodbye, a moment we’ll cherish.  Soon after, Great Gram closed her eyes, laid back down in her bed and re-entered the solitary place she needed to be to complete her final journey.

That night all 13 of us got together at our house. Grammy had a feeling this would be our best shot to celebrate Christmas. She was right.  We watched you open your presents; we laughed and had lots of fun, then ate pizza together.  There’s nothing better than being together, even when situations change and routines become different.

Thursday, December 27 was Great Gram’s final day. I held her hand a long while and each of us in the room said our goodbyes our own special way.  She had never woken up again after her amazing rally the afternoon before.

Late Thursday morning, at the exact moment new people were in her room to transfer her to Hyder House, another facility in Dover, she had made a decision.  As she was taking her last breaths I’m pretty darn sure she was saying to herself, “Now just hold on one minute.  Put the brakes on.  I’m still in charge here! This is my life and I am not going on that stretcher and I’m not going in an ambulance – I never liked ambulances!  I’m not putting anyone through any more fuss. I’m ending it right here, right now. I miss my husband; it’s been 26 years since I saw him.  I want to die in this hospital, just like he did.  It’s my time and I’m okay with that.”

And that’s exactly what she did.  She decided to leave, then and there, on her own terms. Her last minute timing was a classic move for Etta Gwendolyn Buzzell St. Laurent.  She was the matriarch of the family; she had always led the way; and now she was calling the last shot.

100 years. 2 months. 27 days on this earth. Not too shabby.

Great Gram lived a simple life, defined by one thing: family.  Nothing else ever mattered as much as that.  Her daughters and husband meant the world to her, as did her sisters and brothers who she took care of, protected and guided (as the first born of her siblings). As time went by, this “nucleus” kept expanding with son-in-laws, grandchildren (12) and great grandchildren.

Nothing made her happier than remembering a funny story about your parents (Tim and Nicole) from years ago or hearing a story from Grammy about something you (Ben, Emma, Camden, Ainsley, Molly, Jack and Madigan) had said or done recently.  Those stories always brought a smile to her face and a hearty laugh.  She lived for those moments!

She looked forward to your visits, got a kick out of the things you said and enjoyed hearing what you were doing as you grew older.  Did you know she kept pictures you (and other great grandhildren) had drawn for her in a special book in her room at Harmony?  The special memories you created for her were her only remaining treasures, along with a few pieces of jewelry.  She loved you so much.

Later that night after everyone had left our house (many people came over to be together after she died, get a bite to eat and support each other) Grammy and I remembered a special visit we had with her at Harmony House on November 21, before Thanksgiving, She was sitting in her chair doing okay; it was just the three of us.  We had been talking about what Thanksgiving was like when she was little.  She said “We never had much. The Baptist Church down the street would look out for us and bring us food.” 

Later she said, “I never was one for show.  Be me. Take me as I am.”   I love that quote because it sums up her life’s philosophy, her style, values and entire life.

We’ll miss you Ma/Mom/Great Gram, but please, no more tears, just smiles. That’s what she would tell us if she was with us right now.  She lived a wonderful life, taught us many things, helped many along the way and is in a very good place.

The photo below is special.  I took it on June 22, 2004 at Tim & Tarah’s wedding in Portland, Maine.  It was always my favorite of her; so beautiful, so much joy, such a classy lady.  Much love, thank you and God bless.