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sometimes reality is nothing more than fake dog poo

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I bought some fake poo from Macro Polo, figuring this might be a perfect joke to play on   you and your siblings.  This kind of subject matter is right up your alley these days.

Poo is King Caca at the Clickman’s.

I went to your house and when you weren’t looking, I positioned the poo next to Apple in the family room.   Everyone else was in the room except for your Dad who was working.  I backed away, waiting for a reaction.

But no one shouted out, no one said “OOOH, look what Apple did!” Or “YEEWW!” Or anything at all.

Instead there was a very low key, quiet nervous laughter emanating from you and Ben, as if to say, “I CANNOT believe this is happening. Mom isn’t going to like this.”

So to get things moving I blurted out:

Oh man, Apple’s going to be in trouble now.

More looks, more nervousness.

Then I walked over to the poo and knelt down beside it.  You were watching carefully. I proceeded to bend my head to the floor and sniff the poo.  You guys could NOT believe I was actually doing this.  Then I picked it up.

“Papa!”

And then… the piece de resistance: I put it to my lips.

You guys were absolutely flabbergasted and speechless.

I laughed and then I disclosed it was all a ruse, a fake, a crass, tasteless joke.

Finally, understanding.  Finally, relaxation. Finally, acceptance.  Finally,  laughter.

And then… R-E-L-I-E-F.

Total acceptance of the prank and an instant desire to play the same trick on your Dad when he got home.

That’s when we noticed Apple.  She had been sincerely interested in the fake poo during my entire performance, sitting right beside it as if to say “They’re not going to blame this one on me!”

Apple’s curiousity soon became action… she took matters into her own hands grabbed it, put it in her mouth and ran into the living room.  We followed, but in a flash the poo had turned to dust!  Apple had eaten it!

Ever the steady hand, your Mom said, “Well my last dog actually ate its own poo, so I guess Apple is one step above her.”  Good point, and she’s right.  Apple would be pooping out fake poo. How ironic.

You guys were disappointed because the prank for your Dad was now compromised.

But expecting the worse, I had bought an extra, and went out to the car to get it.  Relief set in.

Now you could orchestrate your own poo prank. The joke would live on for another telling.

what’s that in your pocket?

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( I learned the following after the fact from your Mom )

On Mother’s Day, your family came over to our house.  My Mom was visiting along with my sister and brother-in-law.  The Beaupre’s were also here.

Everyone was hanging out on the deck.

A little later your Mom spotted something in your pocket.  She looked twice, making sure it was what it appeared to be.

yes, her eyes were working correctly… it was…

a tampon!

you didn’t know what it was and must have thought it was kind of cool!

your favorite vacation experiences

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The Kilimanjaro Safari ride in the Animal Kingdom  – it was the first thing we did on our first full day.  You sat in the back row of the safari truck with Ben, Camden and me. It was a rainy day (the only one we had), but that made the colors pop (the greens got greener) and all the animals were close by as we drove along the bumpy road. You saw mother elephants and their calves, tigers, lions, zebras, cheetahs and more, oh my!  When you got back from vacation I asked you what your favorite thing was and you said:

“The Safari Ride with all the animals.”

 

 

Your second favorite thing on vacation?

“our hotel, because it was pretty outside and we even saw a deer.”

The Wilderness Lodge was fantastic, I agree with you Emma, I would go back there in a flash.  We rented two Villas – your entire family fit into one, there were three full size beds, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room, outside deck and even a washer dryer (which your Mom used every single day!) – in each villa.

Our hotel also had a great pool.  We went there in the late afternoon after long hot days walking around in the sun.

 

Harry Potter  – on Day 5 we journeyed to Universal Studios to see the new Hogwarts-Harry Potter land which opened just last Fall.  It was incredibly packed with people… elbow-to-elbow crowds..   Ben, Grammy, Uncle Tim, Camden, Auntie Nicole, you and me waited over two hours to get inside, but it was so awesome to see…inside Howarts the paintings moved and spoke just like in the books… amazingly life-like.  After waiting so long, they measured you (for the third time) right before getting on the ride and decided not to let you on! You were very disappointed and waited in the Mother’s Room with your Mom while the rest of us went on it.  Once we were finished, your Mom got her chance.  You were a good sport through it all and I was very proud of you!

Favorite restaurants –  your favorite dining experiences included the T.Rex restaurant (storms & scary dinosaurs! ) and Sci-Fi Theatre where you watched famous black and white “B” monster movies while drinking a chocolate shake with an ice cube that lit up!

Tom Sawyer’s island – this was one of your top two favorites from the week. You had fun roaming around (running actually), walking through dimly lit caves, exploring a fort, shooting guns at imaginary targets on the river, walking across a rickety floating tire bridge; finding the secret tunnel; hearing the creaky water wheel in the windmill.  The log raft ride over to the island and back was also a cool way to get there.

Tower of Terror – You insisted on going on this ride!  Grammy asked you several times whether you were up for it, and you said you were and wouldn’t back down.  Maybe it was because Camden was doing it… or perhaps you just wanted to do it… but you sucked it up and went on one of the scariest rides in all of Disney World!  I would never have had the courage to do that at your age.

Splash Mountain – this was the last ride we did- you sat with your Dad-  Ben sat in the front seat of our log flume boat with Camden….  and I had the middle row.  It’s a great drop at the end and we all got wet.  You were a little scared because you weren’t even visible in the  photo of us  going down the waterfall!

Movies at night – the night before we left, we watched a Winnie the Pooh movie under the stars at the Wilderness Lodge beach.  Camden re-arranged the beach chairs so you, Ben, Ainsley and Molly could sit together… then you spent most of the time burying yourself in the sand with Camden and Molly.

The Polynesian breakfast – this was by far the best morning meal we had all week (except maybe for the countless powdered mini donuts). Lilo & Stitch came around, as did the star of the show Micky Mouse. You & Camden went to the front of the conga line with marrakas and marched around the restaurant with others behind you – you were both laughing!

Toy Story – You’re a big fan of Toy Story, so that was another favorite. Here are some photos of you at – or around – that ride:

 

It was an unforgettable vacation… Grammy and I are so proud we were able to take you and everyone else there, spend time together and create great memories.

Eight day Disney vacation summary

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Eight days together, visiting magical places:

Saturday, March 10: flight to Orlando; checking into the Wilderness Lodge; boat ride to Magic Kingdom for dinner @ Tony’s on Main Street USA

Sunday: Animal Kingdom during a torrential rainstorm; Magic Kingdom in afternoon; dinner across from Haunted Mansion

Monday:  Legoland & T Rex restaurant for dinner

Tuesday:  Hollywood Studios & dinner @ Sci Fi Theatre; pool

Wednesday: Universal Studios & pool

Thursday: Character breakfast at Polynesian; Hollywood Studios & pool then Epcot @ night for Japanese steak house dinner & Iluminations fireworks show

Friday: photo shoot at Polynesian; Bibbidy Bobbidy princess makeover for Ainsley & Molly followed by dinner at Cinderella’s Castle; then Magic Kingdom & pool & outdoor movie at hotel on beach

Saturday: Character lunch at Crystal Palace; Magic Kingdom and return home